The courage to define our own success

Last week, I had the pleasure of meeting interns exploring a career in technology.  Their energy was infectious and I really enjoyed our conversations.  But it was disappointing to hear several of the female interns mention I was the only female leader they met in an Engineering discipline ….   I decided to share my story if it can help another female entering into a professional world.  My hope is that with enough women helping each other, we can make a difference.


I am a native of Japan and grew up with very traditional values.  My mother was a homemaker and my father was a business man.  During our meals, my mother would serve him.  He used to say men didn’t belong in the kitchen and send me to help my mom with cooking and cleaning, but my brother was spared because he was a boy.   I love my parents dearly, but it used to bother me to no end that my brother and I were differentiated due to gender. 


Twenty years ago, Japanese women’s success was measured by the success of the husband they married.   Some women got a job but most jobs were limited to secretarial jobs.  There was an expectation that they would get married and quit their jobs in their 20s.  While it is perfectly admirable to be a homemaker, it wasn’t a path I wanted to take.  So I decided to move to the U.S. to attend a University and pursue my career.  Initially, my friends and family were supportive of my career.  As I got into my late 20s and into my 30s, they started to worry and pressure me to get married.  They would ask why I needed to work, and why I wasn’t married to a nice man who would take care of me.  Several times, my parents suggested that I return back home to Japan so they can help me find a nice husband. 


I think women have so much cultural pressure to overcome.  Many of us come from traditional family values that can conflict with having a career.  This is in addition to the social pressure to be young and beautiful.  I had one female executive tell me that I should take care of my grey hair.  “Grey on men is distinguished. But on women, it shows you can’t take care of yourself.”   This cultural pressure was the hardest to overcome in my career. It challenged my core identity.


My biggest lesson learned was to define my own success, and be comfortable with it.  I hope that many of our up and coming talent will not be held back by cultural pressure and build their own success.